my attitude based on how you treat me.
how long could i ignore this feeling ?
how long im gonna pretend ?
how long i should wait until you realise ?
how long time you'll take to understand me ?
how long you'll always gonna treat me like that ?
ya, i did telling all the things on you. i didnt get it you'll change in one day but then it start again. im being tired to told you everyday with your attitude.
silence doesnt mean i dont care anymore but how you gonna know me in this way ? with your ego and sensitively feeling ? i realise that i cant changing that because it is you permanent attitude. what i should do then ? you told me to help you change all that but how im gonna help you with this condition. it is hurting me day by day. when i tried to make it right it seems nothing could be better anymore. its like showing me the ending of all this.
i've been tired and sick with those things happen to us. im not gonna pretend to you and big apology if my real attitude showed up to you make you hurt. to lied for the person i love was a badly thing to let it happen on you.
for being pretend.
laughing when you make a joke with a fake faces on me.
show to you that im really fine.just want to see your smile.
to make us keep together.
i didnt realise that what i do this was badly hurt myself.
for saying "im okey" and you just gonna say "really love me" , "take care then" and then thats it. those words was nice to hear but it is didnt even make me feel better.
for giving me second chance but without giving a trust on me again could ruin everything.
what hurt me so much when you believe what did other people say without asking me ? and that way make me feel that you not really get into me. i hate the people who saying the things that actually wrong but,when i think back the more i hate myself for losing you trusted on me.
its so complicated now. for a long time i ignore my feeling that I AM CRAZY MISSING YOU! its really worst feeling to hide. til now i feel EMPTY. you know why ? because im too much HURT. this is crazy. what else i can do is just let it happen because i believe everything happen with reason,may this not the end but it is just my illusion to make it start back :( cause everything has change with us. surely it couldnt again. i am regret with all this!
may he have a good life and may god always bless him.
it is badly to say "goodbye" then i would say " take care" :(
till then. elle.
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